If you know anyone who’s always made sure your inbox is filled with really funny jokes, I’m sure you have secretly wished they had at least sometimes forgot to send you those emails. One way or the other, you’ve almost definitely stumbled upon some hilariously serious English collected by webmasters at Engrish. They can be fun (and really confusing, too).
However, stumbling upon some rib-tickling English in the physical world can be more fun than a barrel of monkeys.
Ever heard of the Bad Azz Big Hair Bodyfying Tonic? Well, neither have I. Judging by the look of the product, it could easily be either a plant fertilizer or a silverware polishing substance, or maybe both. Who knows. But after reading the promo-instructions on the back of the bottle, I wasn’t sure anymore where exactly and how I should be applying it. All I knew, was that I need to be careful, because whatever it’s used on it will going to make it really BIG. Here’s what Bad Azz is all about, verbatim from the back of the bottle:
Feeling flat? Want it Bigger? It’s all about raising …the volume of your hair. Don’t wimp out… Don’t be afraid. Pump it to the next level! Big hair is not just for pageants anymore. Increase the volume and let the world know that you’re ALIVE and YOU’RE PUMPED!! Or not.
Educated guess: Just pump out from the bottle into your hair. Work through and start to PUMP IT! Watch how it is starting to get bigger…BIGGER and BIGGER. The hair dude!
When I first read this, I thought I was the victim of a marvelous prank. I wet my pants laughing. Although it seemed a bit weird that an 85 year-old grandma who handed me Bad Azz would pick up practical jokes as a hobby, I couldn’t entirely exclude that option either. If it was her, she could just as well be the new Yes Men.
Real or not, as it turned out, the company behind Bad Azz is Farouk Systems and their product line is rich in seriously bad products. Farouk’s Web site left me both amazed and amused. Besides giving me a good heart’s laugh, they also left me wondering about many other things. Who buys their creations and where did they get such stupendous marketing department with some serious skillz, are just two among many.
I shall bore you no more. Here’s the reasoning straight from the horse’s mouth from the Lone Star State in the good ol’ U S of A:
Perhaps it’s because Farouk Systems Group is the Evolution and Revolution of Professional Hair/Nail Care using Former Chief Scientists from NASA to create its technology! “Houston we DON’T have a problem!”
Ya don’t? Ya sure?