I’ve had a very busy week; attended a few good lectures, heard lots of interesting things, had many engaging conversations and learned something too. Part of it was that I participated in a tremendously eye-opening workshop on lobbying the EU. Partly theoretical, but also very practical workshop, was led by a Belgian lecturer from the Ghent University Rik Otten who has himself spent some time in the EU political circles in Brussels, so he spoke from his own experience too.

Although I am sure that what I have heard in this short eight-hour workshop only barely scratched the surface on lobbying the EU, it was enlightening to hear about one aspect of the EU policy shaping. We heard all about how to prepare for lobbying campaigns, how and where to begin, the do’s and do not’s, the ethics, corruption, infamous cases–pretty much everything about lobbying in a tiny nutshell. It’s a complex thing, but it all boils down to relationship management and chess-like techniques.

As it often is, many of the things are rather obvious, but nevertheless you one might not think of them immediately. For instance, before you can even begin lobbying you have to know what for and who you need to talk to. Sounds a lot easier than it is. So, how do you approach the right person? Networking. Go places where you will meet them, in other words purposefully bump into them and start the small-talk. Never mention your intentions the first time you meet. Talk about something completely else. Exchange business cards. Try to bump into them the second time. Talk more, you mention the topic you’re lobbying for (or against), but don’t present it as an issue or a problem. Not just yet; build the relationship first. Maybe after your third or fourth encounter you could give them a phone call and say something along the lines of: “Remember that thing we were talking about, well I’ve got some really interesting information about this I’ll send your way.” Then go play golf or tennis to discuss it. Not only that this sounds like, but it practically is dating.

In Brussels alone there are 15,000 lobbyists. Although being a lobbyist is nothing to be ashamed of, of those 15,000 trying to influence EU policy making, only 5,000 are registered as lobbyists. And I bet that most of them are registered just because registration allows them the access to the European Parliament, which is needed at least at some point. And 15,000 lobbyists does sound a bit scary if you try to imagine the clash of interests, I like the perspective EU officials are taking on this: one lobbyist means corruption, thousand provide a solution.

Power is useless if not used tactfully. If you personally know, for instance, the commissioner covering the area which you are trying to influence, it is an absolute no-no to contact them directly. High-ranking officials have power, but they practically never do the tedious research work or write documents and arguments themselves. They have assistants for that, and these assistants, who just like everyone else, don’t like to hear from their boss what they have to write, how and when. So, if they hear your instructions from their boss, the chances are great they will bite back, won’t write up, delay, or even skew something. In other words, you’re screwed. It is the assistants you need to approach first and influence the commissioner through them. Befriend the small cogs in a huge apparatus, pursue them to be in favor of your cause, they will in turn change the system for you.

This, in fact, skilled lobbyists knew already very early on. I particularly liked the example of Philips. In the 1980’s hundreds of people who were on the payroll of the Dutch electronics giant, worked in the offices of high-ranking EU politicians. Philips seeded people who were shaping the EU policies in favor of their business. I’m sure there were many companies or interest group doing the same thing. Generosity eventually went so far that the number and origin of high-ranking officials’ little helpers needed to be restricted and monitored closely. Although these days it is not uncommon that assistants quit their well paid job and start working as lobbyists taking all their immediate knowledge and contacts to the new working place and utilizing it in a different setting within a different agenda.

And then there are the differences between lobbying in Brussels and Washington. In many ways what is legitimate lobbying in the US is corruption in the EU. How so? Common wining and dining is accepted in the US, but is considered corruption in the EU; politicians are often voted into the office with the support of a lobby group there, while such thing luckily doesn’t happen around the EU. It seems like reason wins in Europe and money talks in the US.

Jack Abramoff is a case in point; the amount and variety of stuff Abramoff did so far in his lobbying career is quite impressive, even for a criminal record, I suppose. He obviously took things to the far when lobbying for the Indian gambling interests, thus his trial in January 2006 has inspired regulative actions both in the US with the Legislative Transparency and Accountability Act of 2006 and in the EU with Green Paper on European Transparency Initiative. A powerful gentleman, no doubt about that.

Anyway, the workshop was an extremely brief encounter with the world of lobbying, but nevertheless very insightful. Too often we easily forget that the world is run by the others. Thus even a peek into the inner workings of political behemoths is always a welcome enlightening. Knowledge is power.

Mladen

Who would have thought that the ice fishing season is already here? Well, if you ask the real pilkkijät it’s always ice fishing season. Aha!?

Kind of difficult to understand, but let’s grab the matter from what the rest of us consider logical prerequisite for ice fishing: frozen water, lots of thick frozen water. However, the ice fisherman, aka pilkkijä around here, loves his fun and doesn’t even need much of that to go ice fishing.

I think this passion, or recklessness, depending on where you stand, is well illustrated by an ardent pilkkijä I once spoke to. His reply to my question how does he know that the ice is thick enough to go fishing was simple: “If piss melts ice through and through, that’s when I go fishing.” Yeah, but isn’t that also when it’s one centimeter thick, how do you walk on it then? “I crawl!”

Sure enough, pilkkijät are quite nuts. I haven’t seen this gentleman crawl on all fours to the middle of the lake, open his zipper, take a leak and start fishing, but I can easily imagine what it looks like. Or then again I’ve seen these guys sitting on their mini chairs on the middle of a half-frozen lake, but was left scratching my head thinking how the hell they got there. Beam me up Scotty, anyone?

Pilkkijä is the pioneer. He’s right there with the fauna; nothing stands between him and the fish, not even ice. He is always the first and the last to go on the ice. A stubborn and persistent man.

Not everyone makes it there and back, though. “Man drowns falling through the ice” is a headline one can spot almost daily in local papers for weeks every fall and spring as freezing cold weather comes and goes before it settles for good. It seems like these middle-aged men are as restless as small kids.

Last weekend overnight the temperature dropped to around 25C below the freezing point for a few hours and sure enough the local lake was filled with pilkkijät like woods are flooded with mushrooms after the rain. Hm, trying to walk on the ice myself, I quite quickly noticed that cracking on the contours of the shore makes it a bit too scary.

Once you figure out the whole ice thing (or if you are not scared of falling through into the freezing water, which, by the way, is another popular Finnish pastime anyway), then you find out that ice fishing is a childishly simple thing. Equipment is minimal, strong nerves and sturdy muscles are a prerequisite. A bottle of kossu, a drill, a fishing stick, live maggots, and a mini chair (optional) and you’re ready to go.

Sitting it isn’t. You don’t just sit around waiting for the fish to get hooked. Nope, you have to work harder than that. Fish hardly move in the freezing cold water, so you have. Once a hole is drilled through meter plus thick ice (in winter, that is), you dip the bait and wait for a minute. Nothing? Get your ass up, walk a few meters, drill, dip, wait. Nothing? Repeat. And repeat you can, drilling sometimes even more than a hundred holes on a single fishing trip.

But once you drop your bait into the middle of the school, well then you just hope your hands are not too tired from the drilling. All you’ll do now is wind up, take fish off the hook, dip, wind up, detach, dip, wind up, detach. And it’s not unusual to catch from 10 to 20 kilograms. Now that’s a lot of fish if they are between 10 to 15 centimeters long.

It takes about 30 seconds to drill a hole through a meter thick ice, so you quite easily spend a quarter of your fishing trip drilling through frozen water. Now that makes sense why pilkkijät prefer no ice at all and rather go ice fishing in the summer when there’s no ice in sight. Ice and drill are obviously not necessary then, but you do need a large, flat piece of floating material with a hole in the middle and off you go ice fishing with cold beer instead of lukewarm kossu in your hand.

Just be careful when taking a leak, it can be just as deadly as falling through the ice.

Mladen

It is bureaucracy that is usually a pain in the ass. No matter the state, there is always a bureaucratic apparatus causing people unnecessary troubles demanding this and that stupidity for no apparent reason other than to serve that same bureaucracy and feed that clerk sitting behind the counter or in the next office you’re sent to. The main pricks and proponents of the system being both the state and the bureaucrats themselves; neither know what exactly they want from you except that they want something and most often something useless, period. So, you are always sent from one office to another, waiting in lines, not knowing what is going to happen neither how long will the operation take. Will they give some money back? Or will they cut my pinky off?

But for one thing, Finnish bureaucracy has yet to ruin my day, or week, or month. Knock on the wood.

No, this isn’t about bureaucratic annoyances which are found in abundance in too many places. Praise the bureaucrats in Finland as they know what they want and they won’t bug you if it’s not necessary. And they especially don’t really need to see your face that often. Or so it seems. Annoyances lie elsewhere.

Savonlinja is a Finnish bus company that among other destinations also connects St. Petersburg and Helsinki. Everything fine up to here. But what is extremely annoying is that Savonlinja is charging more for their bus tickets to the Finnish citizens than to the Russian citizens for the same bus ride. I know, that is every tourist’s reality and nightmare in many countries and even though they don’t like it, they just shrug it off as a local specialty and since they most often don’t speak the local language they don’t bargain or enquire, but just open their wallets and pay. However, such a thing becomes unbelievably annoying if you know that you are being ripped off in a Western society, especially if you’re ripped of for such a basic service as bus transportation is and even more so if you are ripped off in your home country. Namely they charge 36€ to their Russian customers, but 50€ to Finnish customers. Of course people are pissed off.

Then there are all those late trains. You see, Finland used to be a place where everything from meat section queue in the food store and the smallest town’s public transportation to flight schedules is always, I mean always on time. Which means that you can happily shop for other groceries until it’s your turn to get pork chops or that you can set your watch when the bus or the train arrives. However, in the recent month or so things have been falling apart and Finnish reputation for incredible punctuality has been ruined by the state railways VR.

Yes, Finnish trains used to be something one can rely on; sunshine or snow storm, they would always be on time. I have always been flattered. But recently they started resembling what I have experienced last summer while island hopping in Croatia. When inquiring about the ferry timetable at the ticket office of the ferry company Jadrolinija, the polite lady told me that the ferry is supposed to come at 15:40, but is always late. Why don’t they change the timetable if it’s always late, I wondered. But they don’t. In Croatia that does not surprise me at all considering that many other more important things don’t function the way they should. But how can it be the same with the super-duper Finnish railways. And the thing with the Finnish railways is that they have just changed and ruined a perfectly functional timetable. Unbelievable.

Another thing that is also very annoying around Finland is rude driving. Sure, you’re fine if you’re a driver sitting behind the steering wheel yourself. It’s pleasant to drive in Finland, but it is annoying to be a pedestrian. It’s as if almost every driver in Finland thinks that they are Mika Häkkinen. This is especially noticeable when you try to cross the street. As a pedestrian one can easily wait until there are no more cars coming in any direction. Even though as a pedestrian with an intention to cross the street one has the right of way. However, this is neither enforced nor respected, not even by the police as a Helsingin Sanomat journalist depicted in an article a few months ago and was almost run over by a police car. Yet another resemblance of unorganized society and yet another example of how rules don’t count even a bit if they are not enforced.

Damn, I almost sound like a genuine Finn.

All these things don’t go unnoticed. Not at all. They are all too often the burning topic of public discussions. Yes, Finns make themselves well known for being grumpy and constantly complaining: whether it is about how people all too easy get on their feet for a standing ovation after a mediocre or subpar performance, or about why the hell the Helsinki metro cars are orange as they are. Nothing and no one is spared in this society.

Complaining is hot property around here indeed, and it has been elevated even into an art form. The most notable (but surely not the only one) is the complaints work by duo Tellervo Kalleinen and Oliver Kochta Kalleinen called, surprise, surprise: Complaints Choir. During the occasion of visiting a specific locale the duo collects the complaints from the local residents and assembles a choir from those very same select residents who have initially submitted their complaints. They write up the lyrics based on their complaints, compose a song and perform around town until they reach catharsis. Check out the clips of compalining in action in Birmingham and in Helsinki and hear the real Finnish complaints. I have one of my own to add: Why the hell is their server so slow?

Take it easy pals.

Mladen

PS: No, that guy in the middle of the Helsinki video of complaints choir is not me.